Written: May 1, 2017
I was kidding in my last post about spending my anniversary in surgery, but it looks like that’s exactly where I will be to celebrate 19 years with my guy. Yay, us! Tomorrow (Tuesday, May 2nd), I will have my lymph node biopsy at 7:30am, so please be in prayer for everything to be clear. I’ve told several of my friends that I won’t be able to completely exhale until I know whether or not this cancer has traveled outside of my ducts. (I’m finding that my vocabulary is rapidly changing and I don’t really like the new words I’m using nearly as much as the old ones.) I want to be clear on one thing – I trust the Lord 100% with whatever He chooses to do with this nasty disease. However, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t anxious about what this biopsy will reveal. Knowing what I know about cancer has made me have a proper fear of what it can do to one’s body. But the fear is more like that of the ocean or even of the Lord. It’s so big and powerful that it can have me on my knees by the mere mention of it. I’ve seen it do things that I pray none of you ever have to witness. But I’ve also seen the beautiful, extraordinary gifts that can come from it as well. So this delicate balance is where I find myself living.
It may be a stretch since I’m so early in the game, but I feel as if the Lord has never been so near and so evident in my life as He is right now. Puzzle pieces are starting to fit together. And even though some things don’t make any sense at all, others all of a sudden seem crystal clear. All I know is that He is in control and He wants me to continue following His “path of peace” (Luke 1:79) even when I am unsure of the destination.
Last night I had the privilege of meeting with a handful of teenage boys (now there’s a phrase you don’t hear everyday) and our two new leaders of a ministry we are involved in called Armour Up.
Armour Up began as an idea with a few friends (you might recognize 2 of the 5 “blondes that walked into the plastic surgeon’s office”) on a walk one day a few years ago. We dreamed of having a boys bible study that was energetic and fun, but also taught God’s word. What started in my back yard in 2011 grew to over 600 kids and a full time ministry. But the key is it didn’t start with 600 kids. It started with a few and we adapted and trusted the Lord with every step as we grew. Step by step, piece by piece. And the lessons the Lord taught me in those years are coming in handy on this journey. Step by step, piece by piece.
The AU CREW, leaders of Armour Up
The Armour Up ministry has been the conduit by which I have seen the Lord work the most in my life and the lives of my children. I’ve watched Him weave people together in the most incredible ways. I’ve experienced His faithfulness when I didn’t think things were possible. It is the foundation to which I cling in moments of weakness or doubt. And last night’s meeting was one more nod that God can do immeasurably more than we can imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
I won’t go into much detail (shocker), but seeing all of these boys who are growing into young men right before my eyes was good for my soul. These high school boys (2 of mine included) are now stepping up to lead the younger generation of Armour Uppers. This meeting renewed my hope that if we are obedient in the little things even when we don’t understand the master plan, He will inevitably make sense of the big things in time. His time. And those things will be even more spectacular than we could have ever dreamed.
At the end of this meeting, Chris & Josh had the boys pray over me. And I was verklempt to say the least.
And just as I anticipate how the Lord will work during the summer of 2017 with Armour Up, I anticipate how the Lord will be working through my cancer story as well. I will try not to get ahead of myself. I will remember how sweet the journey is when I go step by step, piece by piece. And with that, I am confident that “he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion.” (Philippians 1:6)
I am literally scaring myself with verses that are popping into my head. What is happening?! My Baptist is definitely showing. Feeling way too holy. Might need to cuss.
Thank you for your continued prayers, calls, texts, letters, flowers, food, etc. etc. etc. I feel so very loved.
Until next time…much love to you all & make every day count,
PS: In case I’m too loopy tomorrow, I want to wish my amazing husband, Trevor, a very happy anniversary. He’s been a rock through this all, and is keeping us all in line despite our unwelcome life interruption. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and wouldn’t want to walk this road with anyone else.