All of my cancer related ‘events’ keep falling right around holidays or special occasions, and this one is no different. HAPPY 4th of JULY. Tomorrow I will be having my self entitled ‘nipplectomy’, and I guess you could say that even nips deserve the same freedom we’ve all been privileged enough to receive. #setthemfree #GodBlessAmerica.
I wish so badly you could read the group text I share with my friends, because there’s everything from ‘Peace Out, Nips’ to ‘Nip, Nip Hooray’ on there. My people are way too serious.
Ashley took me to have blood work done on Monday (because cancer never sleeps). While I was there, however, the hospital employee said I could pre-register making everything move faster on the day of surgery. Ummmm…is that a good thing? After filling out my paperwork, the lady behind the desk actually handed me a VIP Speed Pass card. To which Ash and I deemed akin to the FAST PASS you receive at Disneyland. So, I’m totally pumped that I’ll be first in line at Splash Mountain tomorrow. Or something like that.
The past few days have been busy for us, and that’s a good thing. I’ve learned that being busy keeps my mind off of the next few months I have in store. Monday night, we joined my friend Casey and her family for dinner and early fireworks (I forgot to get a pic and I know Casey is THRILLED about that). Then Tuesday (the 4th), we went to my friend Amy’s house to enjoy some amazing food and hang with her family. Jennifer‘s mom, Jane, joined us which was so much fun. Amy and I met on the first day of first grade at FBA and have been friends ever since. When Jen enrolled at our school in 6th grade, we had the privilege of getting to know Jane as well and have loved her for well over 30 years!
(We didn’t plan on red, white and blue, but I know Jen would have loved our coordinated holiday outfits!)
Today, however, after the holiday and time spent with friends was over, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I guess there’s a part of me that still hopes I’ll wake up one day and realize this cancer thing was all a dream. A very bad dream. I don’t allow myself to dwell there, but I would be lying if I said those feelings don’t happen. I quickly grabbed my Bible and Jesus Calling book, however, and was reminded again of how much my Savior loves me and how much he is in control. Jesus Calling said, ‘You will never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in My control.’ It was accompanied by Psalms 56:3, which says, ‘When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.’ So I recommitted my trust to and in the Lord, which is rapidly becoming a necessary part of my daily routine. The Lord is good and he IS trustworthy. But man, this is hard.
After my devotion and a shower, I went with my friend Stephanie to her oncology appointment (because that’s what any logical person who is sad about cancer does, right?!). I still have to pause as I type that because it feels so surreal. No one deserves to have this nasty disease, least of all the people I dearly love. But here we are. Living out what I’m sure will be a poorly rated, dramatic Lifetime movie someday. And even though it STINKS to have cancer, it stinks just a little less to have it together.
Stephanie and I made the most of our visit, but walking into a cancer hospital is something I really never want to get used to. From the outside, I’m sure we look like normal 40 something moms. But inside, we are terrified of what cancer is capable of. Thank God (literally) we have a relationship with someone more powerful than cancer. #that’sJesusifyouaren’tfollowing
This season of life for me is almost too bizarre for words. If I stop and think about it for too long, I get overwhelmed. So I’m trying to take it day by day and set my stress, expectations, planning and fear FREE. Just like the nips will be tomorrow.
Thank you for your continued support, encouragement, food, cards, gifts, prayers, etc. I COULD NOT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!
Until next time…much love to you all & make every day count,
PS: Tomorrow’s surgery is a day surgery and should only last approximately one hour. I would appreciate specific prayers that neither the anesthesia nor the pain meds make me nauseous. And also that my friends will have something else to discuss via text after this is all over. #snipthenips #nonipsisgoodnips
“In God, whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Psalm 56:4